Failed Dying With Thyself: Friendship is Two-Dimensional script.
The concept was basically these two horrible people looking for a new friend to replace the friend that died, where every candidate winds up being someone of supernatural origins and goes off the rails. It died on the vine due to lack of interest over time/unable to create a solid vision. I only managed to write a handful of scenes.
(Scene: Angela’s bedroom.)
(Angela is sleeping in her bed)
It was the morning of a new school day. My alarm clock rang with an ear piercing tone that drove me up the wall. I tried to ignore it, but it grew too much for even me.
Angela: Shut the hell up!
I grabbed the alarm clock and forcibly pulled it out from the wall, turning off. Once peace was restored I collapsed back onto my bed, curled up in my soft blanket, and went back to sleep.
(fade out and in)
(door bell)
The door bell went off. For a second I thought about getting up and checking to see who was at the door, but decided not to. Okay, actually I didn’t give it any thought. I’m not getting out of bed.
(fade out and in)
(door bell x3)
Whoever was at the door rang the bell again. It was a small annoyance, but I managed to quickly fall back asleep.
(fade out and in)
(door bell constantly)
Okay, whoever’s at the door is gonna get it.
Angela: I’m trying to sleep! Come back later!
It took a bit more work this time, but I managed to fall back asleep.
(fade out and in)
(window shatter)
Angela: What the he-
A woman grabbed my legs and hurled me out of bed, slamming me into the wall. I fell down, landing on my head. Looking down at me was a woman who was ready to bring a world of hurt into my life.
Laura: If you make us late to school today so help me God…
Angela: All right! All right! I’m getting up! See? Go wait outside with Mary Smith.
Laura: Okay, but you only got three minutes.
Laura Cooper, one of my two best friends, stared at me as she climbed out of my now broken window and went around to the front of my house.
Angela: Could have knocked first.
With only a few minutes to get ready I quickly tossed on an outfit and attempted to fix my bed hair.
Angela: Meh, good enough.
Satisfied with how I looked, I headed to the front door.
(Scene: Front of Angela’s house)
Mary Smith: You’re late!
Mary Smith, my other best friend, did her best attempt to look mad at me but ended up looking cute regardless.
Angela: Yeah, yeah. Sorry Mary Smith.
Mary Smith: And don’t call me by my full name! You know I hate that! You want me to start calling you Angela Hopkins from now on?
Angela: Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry Mary Smith.
Mary Smith: Hmph!
Mary Smith started walking ahead of Laura and I
Laura: You already made her mad about making us late, so you probably shouldn’t over do it, especially from the get go.
Angela: I know.
(Scene: street 1)
Angela: Hey, hold up a second!
Mary Smith: I’m not talking to you for the rest of the day!
Angela: Look, I’m truly sorry. I know it’s too early to be pulling a stunt like this.
Mary Smith: . . .
Angela: Please forgive me. I’ll buy you a frozen yogurt after school today.
Mary Smith: Apology accepted!
She’s pretty easy to buy forgiveness from.
Mary Smith: I’m gonna fill up the container with so much frozen yogurt that it’ll cost you over twenty bucks!
Laura: But will you be able to eat it all by yourself?
Mary Smith: . . . Maybe I’ll have you two help me finish it off?
Angela: Ha ha! All right. Guess I’m treating everyone today.
The three of us have been best friends since early elementary school. All throughout our mandatory public eduction we’ve walked to school together, and would wait until all three of us were together before going. It became a problem when one of us were sick.
Mary Smith: But honestly, Angela. We’re seniors! Next year we’re going to be heading off to college! You shouldn’t be still having problems getting up in the morning.
Angela: I know.
Laura: Playing video games all night or something?
Angela: I’m not that stupid. I just had a cup of coffee way too late last night and then laid wide awake all night.
Laura: I’ve done that before. It blows.
(Scene: street 2)
Mary Smith: Next time be more careful, all right?
Angela: Sure.
Mary Smith: But you know, it’s easier to walk to school when we’re a little bit late. There isn’t as much traffic.
Laura: Makes crossing the street a hell of a lot easier.
Angela: Maybe we should start going to school late more often.
Mary Smith: No way! If you’re late one day it starts a slippery slope that becomes worse and worse as life goes on. We’re just late today for school, but eventually you’ll end up being late for work, which then they’ll fire you. Then you’ll be unable to pay your bills and wind up homeless. After that you’ll end up a drunk wandering the streets and get hit by a ca-
(Car screech)
A car that had sped down the street rammed into Mary Smith. Her body flew into the air and came crashing down, landing head first onto the road. There was a loud thump when her body slammed onto the ground. Her body laid twisted like a rag doll thrown across the room. A lifeless, scratched up, bloodied faced looked at us.
Driver: Ah fuck! Now I’m really gonna be late for school!
The car backed up and drove over Mary Smith, speeding off towards school. A puddle of blood started forming out from her mouth and nose. Laura and I stood there, looking at her corpse.
Angela: Jesus.
Laura walked over to Mary Smith and picked up her wrist, then dropped it on the ground.
Laura: She’s pretty dead.
I walked over to Laura and the two of us looked over Mary Smith’s body. Our best friend of over a decade laid dead before us.
Angela: Guess that means I don’t have to buy her frozen yogurt now.
(End scene)
(Scene: Cafeteria)
Laura and I sat across from one another in the cafeteria, slowly munching on our food. Very little conversation would occur between us.
Angela: There’s a new movie coming out that looks cool.
Laura: Oh?
Angela: Yeah.
Laura: Cool.
Pretty much like that. Non-conversations. Neither one of us put in the effort to keep something going. As time slowly went on I grew more and more annoyed.
Laura: Who’s in it?
Angela: Not sure.
Laura: Huh.
Angela: Yeah.
Laura: Mhmm.
Angela: Okay, we can’t keep doing this.
Laura: Hm?
Angela: These half-assed conversations. I mean, we’re best friends. We should have plenty to talk about, but there’s nothing clicking today. What’s up with that?
Laura: Well, one of our best friends was just hit by a car and killed only like … four hours ago, so maybe it’s got something to do with that? You know, like, time to recover or whatever.
Angela: Does it normally take this long to recover from a friend’s death?
Laura: Dunno. Honestly I’m over it.
Angela: I’m over it too, but that doesn’t explain why we’re having a awful time at making conversation today. I mean, whenever Mary Smith was with us we’d be able to hold a conversation that was more than a bunch of “Yeah”s and “Uh huh”s.
Laura: Well, what if it’s because the two of us have almost nothing in common, and our decade long friendship was due to Mary Smith being there, giving us a cause to hang out with one another and act as a bridge of sorts between the two of us. Now that that bridge is gone, neither of us have anything interesting to say to the other, so our friendship will slowly dwindle away until there’s nothing between the two of us.
I thought about it for a moment.
Angela: Nah. That’s dumb. But I do like the direction that you’re going.
Laura: Which part?
Angela: The bridge part, but I’d like to take it into a different direction. Now, what if, instead of a bridge, Mary Smith was a node in the network that was our friendship, all of us being nodes. The nodes are needed to transmit the communication between one another, and with a node missing, the communication is halted.
Laura: How is that different from the bridge analogy?
Angela: Okay, rewind and let me try it a different way. When Mary Smith was around, we were in a trinity. A trinity that laid in perfect harmony with one another. As long as the trinity was complete, there were no problems. However, now that the trinity has been broken, everything is flung off course and now our friendship is in peril.
Laura: I guess. Still like the bridge analogy better.
Angela: The point I’m making is that we need to restore the balance of the trinity.
Laura: So what you’re saying is we need to find a new best friend.
Angela: Right.
Laura: To replace the best friend who just died tragically this morning.
Angela: Yeah.
Laura: … All right. I’m down with that.
Angela: But it can’t just be anyone. There’s a certain criteria that needs to be met.
Laura: Like what?
Angela: Well, when it was you, Mary Smith, and I, I was the brains the brains, you were the brawn, and Mary Smith was the cute female appeal.
Laura: Is that how you viewed us?
Angela: How did you view it?
Laura: Well, I was number one, you were “A”, and Mary Smith was, I dunno, the symbol for pi.
Angela: How does that work?
Laura: We’re all winners in our own way, at least that’s what I was force fed growing up.
Angela: Anyway, we need to be picky about who we get to replace Mary Smith as the third best friend.
Laura: Pi.
Angela: Whatever. Pi. Sure. So not just anyone can become our new best friend.
Laura: How do you propose we find such a person?
Angela: I … don’t know.
(Bell ring)
Laura: Well, when you got an idea let me know. Let’s head to math.
Angela: Sure.
(Screen swipe)
(Scene: Classroom)
Mr. Robertson: Sons of…
It’s been thirty minutes since the start of class, and our teacher, Mr. Robertson, has done nothing but sit at his desk playing video games on his phone. On the black board was a math equation, with the words “Answer this!” written above it. Every so often Mr. Robertson would grab a juice bottle from under his desk which was labeled “Orange Juice” but its contents were questionable. Majority of class silently messed with their own phones, either browsing the internet or texting friends. The class was a joke.
Student Who’s Name I Don’t Know: Uh … Mr. Robertson?
Mr. Robertson: Busy.
Student Who’s Name I Don’t Know: Could you maybe show us how to solve the problem.
Mr. Robertson: Crap. Dead.
He got up from his desk while mumbling to himself, complaining that he was on a roll or something. Chalk in hand, he started scribbling on the black board, writing calculations and letters and numbers until a giant convoluted mess surrounded the original equation. It was incomprehensible.
Some Other Student: What does that mean?
Mr. Robertson: It means I solved the answer. Honestly, this is kids crap. Why don’t any of you understand this stuff yet? It’s been almost a full year now!
Because you’re a horrible teacher.
Mr. Robertson: All you need to do is move X, and then the rest just falls into place.
Another Student: What?
Mr. Robertson: For the love of… This! Right here! You move this and then subtract it from here, then substitute this to that, and then you flip it, and THEN you got the answer!
The class was silent. Mr. Robertson let out a huge sigh, erased the black board, and then put up the equation “X+Y=2”.
Mr. Robertson: Here. I dumbed it down so much that even a elementary school kid can answer it.
He walked over to pick up his phone and then sat down at his desk.
Angela: He’s going through one of his episodes again.
Laura: It’s a miracle that he still has a job here and that we’ve lasted this long in his class.
Angela: Would you honestly tell a guy like that he’s fired? He’d probably shoot up the school or something.
Laura: Good thing that’s not my problem to worry about. So, did you come up with a way to try to find a new best friend?
Angela: How about making a posting on the internet? Asking for a new best friend and have a list of requirements.
Laura: I don’t know. The last place I think we should be advertising for a new friend is the internet. If that gets out into the wild who knows what problems that’d bring us. Better to keep it in the real world and locally only.
Angela: So only someone who goes to this school you think?
Laura: Yeah, and even better if we get an underclassmen.
Angela: Why?
Laura: Bully them around and make them do shit for us.
Angela: But they could be incredibly annoying.
Laura: Then we’d knock the annoying out of them.
Laura flexed her arm, showing her willingness to beat up an underclassmen for annoying her.
Suddenly, a wad up piece of paper hit me in the head. When I looked to see who had done it, it was Mr. Roberston.
Mr. Robertson: You. See me after school.
Angela: For what!? And you shouldn’t throw stuff at your students! I could sue you for that!
Mr. Robertson: Then do it. Go grab a lawyer and come back to me with a lawsuit about how I threw a piece of paper at you. I dare you.
I kept silent.
Mr. Robertson: But you’re not going to. You know why? Because your pitiful species are so passive about everything, rather doing nothing and hope someone else solves your problems for you so you don’t have to worry about it. All it’d take is just one small insurgent from space to come in and conquer this crap stain of a planet.
Angela: Then why haven’t any yet?
Mr. Robertson: Because those four jerks fucked it all up!
Mr. Robertson slammed his fist the wall behind him.
Mr. Robertson: If only … But that’s besides the point. See me after school.
After letting out his rant, Mr. Robertson sat back down on his desk. The rest of the classroom kept quiet for the rest of class, and nothing was taught.
Angela: Great…
(Scene: Pizza Arcade Place)
Angela: So he gave me this long lecture how I should pay attention in class when he doesn’t even teach crap.
Sam: Sucks.
Couple days a week, I spend my precious afternoons working at a pizza parlor slash arcade slash soul crushing establishment. Little kids run around playing the ticket games so they could win cheap prizes carefully imported from China while they eat cardboard pizza sold to them by an stupid mascot character, designed when it was considered normal to be high at the workplace. The only saving grace is my coworker, Samantha Howell. The typical part time working college student. Only person I can talk to without wanting to drill a nail into my skull.
Angela: And that’s not the worse of it.
Sam: Yeah?
Angela: Yeah. One of my best friends was killed in a hit and run this morning.
Sam: Wow. That sucks. I’m sorry.
Angela: It’s okay. So anyway, my other best friend and I are trying to think of ways to recruit a new best friend to fill in the void.
Sam: Wait. You’re already replacing her?
Angela: Yeah.
Sam: And you’re completely fine with that?
Angela: What of it?
Sam: I’m not gonna even bother. So, how are you going about trying to find a new best friend?
Angela: That’s the thing. I don’t know yet. I’ve been trying to think of ways all day to find a new best friend, but it’s hard, ya know?
Sam: I guess. Why not just try the internet?
Angela: That won’t work.
Sam: Why?
Angela: Because I want it to be someone nearby so we can always hang out together.
Sam: Then just be specific when you post an ad on the internet.
Angela: Nah. I want to be able to see them physically first before trying to see if they’re friend material.
Sam: Then make an ad, set up a meeting place, and then stalk them before talking to them. Learn who they are, what they’re like, where they live, et cetera.
Angela: The last thing I want is to get caught while stalking someone, kidnapped, and a media event about the missing white girl. Where would I even post an internet ad for a new best friend?
Sam shrugged.
Sam: Dunno.
Angela: So that advice is useless.
Sam: Take it however you want. When was the last time you made a friend?
Angela: When I started working here and met you.
Sam: No, when was the last time you made a friend. Someone you can trust and all that jazz.
Angela: Are you saying we’re not friends?
Sam: Not really. No.
Angela: Why’s that?
Sam: We’re comrades in arms in a battlefield filled with noisy kids covered in grease, grabbing their little hands on everything, finding new ways to make cleaning the ball pit a hellish nightmare, and we’re suppose to do their every whim for the sake of a minimum wage. A war we will never win, but we tough it out together so long as we’re on the clock. Friends do stuff outside of work together that doesn’t involve customer service.
Angela: Ouch, Sam. Breaking my heart here.
Sam: Going back to your problem, how about making a sign and sitting in the cafeteria at school?
Angela: What?
Sam: Yeah. There was this one guy who tried to look for a girlfriend by going to food courts with a large sign.
Angela: How did that work out for him?
Sam: He was arrested for soliciting sex, but you wouldn’t have that problem considering you’d be in school and you’re a girl.
Angela: What does that have to do with anything?
Sam: We live in a society filled with double standards, and this is one that will benefit you. Maybe. Probably. I don’t know.
A fat kid with sauce covered tickets approached the prize booth where Sam was in charge. Sam walked over with a practiced fake smile and helped the kid choose his plastic crap. Customers started coming in with a constant flow, with me taking their orders and handing out tokens. Once the customers started showing up it never stopped. Our conversation had ended for the night.
(Scene: Angela’s bathroom)
Angela: Ugh. This pizza smell.
Every evening when I get home, I am forced to take a half hour shower to remove the awful pizza stench from my skin and hair.
(Angela taking a shower)
It’s like the pizza smell is some physical goop that clings onto you and refuses to get off. Every day I come home from work I feel like my body was somehow violated by the smell. I end up scrubbing until it hurts.
(Angela out of shower, looking at mirror)
I thought back on Sam’s idea of making a sign to try and advertise a new best friend. The idea sounded incredibly dumb to me, but I couldn’t think of anything else at the time.
Angela: Meh, screw it.
*sniff*
Angela: The smell’s in my hair still…
(Scene: Street with police tape)
Laura: The hell is that?
Gripped in my hand was a large poster board.
Angela: It’s for a sign.
Laura: For what?
Angela: To show during lunch or something to advertise us needing a new best friend.
Laura: . . . Have you become mentally handicapped since Mary Smith died?
Angela: No! The hell, Laura? I’m trying my damnedest to find us a new best friend and you aren’t doing shit to help at all!
Laura: Because this is dumb. Let’s just hang out like usual.
Angela: We can’t do that anymore since we have nothing in common and thus have absolutely nothing to talk about! There needs to be some person to act as a bridge between us.
Laura: All right, fine. Whatever. As long as I don’t have to acknowledge its existence.
Angela: Fine with me.
(Scene: Cafeteria)
Before lunch, I whipped up the sign in a few minutes, then put it on a table where Laura and I are currently eating, waiting for people to come over and inquire about it.
Angela: . . .
Laura: . . .
Angela: You’d think that someone would ask about the sign.
Laura: It’s kind of self explanatory.
Angela: Well, yeah. I wrote all the details as clear as possible.
Laura: No, that wasn’t what I was. . .You know what, forget it.
We sat there and ate lunch in silence as numerous people walked by, looked at the sign, and didn’t ask anything about it. Finally, someone did.
Some Guy: Hey, what’s the sign about?
Laura: Just what it says.
Angela: Yeah. We need a new best friend to complete the trio.
Some Guy: Oh, cool. Think I could join?
Angela: No.
Laura: What? Why not?
Angela: It needs to be a girl.
Some Guy: Oh. Okay. Well, uh, later then.
(Some Guy walks off screen)
Laura: It doesn’t have to be a girl.
Angela: I think it should.
Laura: Who cares? We can totally have a guy be our best friend. Hell, that actually might be more interesting. It’d give a different perspective that we didn’t have before.
Angela: But having a guy as a best friend just complicates things. Like, what if one of us ends up falling in love with him, which then skews the trio aspect.
Laura: This isn’t a crappy made for TV drama, Angela. But you know what, I don’t care. Fine, no guys in our little “trio.”
Angela: Thanks for seeing it my way.
Laura: Whatever.
We sat in silence again until someone else walked up a few minutes later.
Some Girl: You guys looking for a new best friend?
Angela: Yep. Our previous best friend died in a hit and run.
Some Girl: Damn. I’m sorry to hear that. That must have really sucked to lose a best friend that way.
Laura: Yeah. Kind of shakes up your life.
Some Girl: I hear ya. You know, I had a really good friend die last year, so I know what you must be going through.
Laura: Oh? What happened to her?
Some Girl: It was a he.
Laura: Hmm.
Laura looked over at me and gave me a “told ya so” look. I rolled my eyes in reply.
Some Girl: Yeah, we knew each other as far back as I could remember, but then he was diagnosed with cancer right before we graduated elementary school. At first, it seemed like he was gonna be okay, but as time went on he became weaker and weaker, and, well…
Tears started to form in the corner of her eyes.
Laura: Aw. Come here.
She sat down next to Laura.
Some Girl: It was just painful to watch, you know? This kid who was like the toughest person you knew, becoming so weak and helpless. It was so hard to watch. And, for awhile-
Jesus Christ.
Angela: I’ll be right back.
Laura: Okay, sure.
By this point the girl was full blown crying, getting the attention of almost everyone in the cafeteria. As I didn’t want to get into some stupid “I knew someone who ides of cancer! Waah!” drama, I got out of there as quickly as I could.
(Scene: Courtyard)
I sit in the courtyard, actively staring at a bush. There’s some other person tapping away on their phone.
For a while there I was watching them unconsciously, but after realizing how weird I must be staring at someone I didn’t know like some sort of stalker, I started looking at other random things, and decided the bush would be the best subject of my stare down. So here I sit, bush watching.
So much fun.
Before I left out of boredom, Laura finally shows up.
Laura: She’s all better now I think.
Angela: Hooray for that. That was a lot of drama she just poured out in the course of like two minutes.
Laura: Not everyone is as cold hearted as us, Angela. While we have this unbelievable ability to get over the death of a friend in a matter of seconds, some people take years or maybe never get over it all the way. Though, to be fair, we didn’t watch our friend die slowly over the course of years. Mary Smith was like a “pop” and she’s gone.
Angela: More like a “ka-thump.”
Laura: Pfha ha ha! There we go. So, what should we do about the sign?
Angela: I don’t see it working out.
Laura: I could of told you that this morning. No, wait, I did.
Angela: You didn’t say it didn’t work.
Laura: But I did say it was dumb.
Angela: Just because it’s dumb doesn’t mean it won’t work. There have been many instances of people doing something that seemed really dumb to everyone else, only for it to be successful and revolutionize the world. Have you ever heard of the story about the Wright Brothers? People thought they were crazy and look what they did.
Laura: Have you ever heard about Franz Reichelt?
Angela: Who?
Laura: Some guy who wanted to create this parachute suit for aviators, and he eventually decided to test out a version by jumping off the Eiffel Tower, even as his friends and family tried to dissuade him.
Angela: How’d that turn out for him.
Laura moves her hand from the top of her head to the ground as she whistles, followed by a “kerplunk.”
Laura: The point is, even if something really dumb and stupid looking worked for someone, doesn’t mean it will work for everyone.
*bell ring*
Laura: Time for class.
Angela: Ugh.